Father’s Day can feel like a slap in the face for those struggling with adoption and pregnancy loss.
Last week, a beloved friend beamed as she whispered to me, “I’m two months pregnant!”
I hugged her and exclaimed, “I am thrilled for you!”
Thinking about her beautiful wedding which I attended just a year before, I asked, “Did you get pregnant easily?”
She responded, “Yes.”
The next day, my friend suffered a miscarriage, moving from joyous anticipation to heartbreak in an instant. She and her husband felt their dream of a child crushed so painfully. This Father’s Day is devastating for them and for families like them grappling with adoption and pregnancy loss.
Aware that I am an adoptive parent and an adoption attorney knowledgeable about challenges along the path to parenthood, my friend’s father phoned me for advice about consoling his daughter and son-in-law.
The grandfather-to-be confided, “I knew you were a good person to ask what I could say to make them feel better after losing the baby. Will it help to hear from me that miscarriage in the first trimester is extremely common?”
I advised him, “It will help to hear about the frequency of miscarriage and that successful pregnancy typically follows.”
Continuing, I urged him, “Acknowledge the couple’s grief at losing their baby and tell them that you are confident they will become parents.”
Happily, my experience in adoption and assisted reproduction has shown me that most people do have the children for whom they long so deeply. I believe that these mourning parents will overcome their pregnancy loss and I look forward to celebrating the imminent arrival of a baby with them next Father’s Day.